Christmas, Love, Loss and a Cosmic High Five

I don’t really remember much about last Christmas.  Just a few short weeks earlier, Melissa had suddenly gone from earth to heaven and I was just in shock and numb.  It’s all just a fuzzy blur.  I don’t remember what gifts I gave or what gifts I received.  I barely remember getting a Christmas tree, although my girls are quick to jokingly remind me of how pitiful it was! This Christmas is much, much harder.  

The shock is gone and it’s been replaced with a dull ache that sometimes becomes an intense, fiery dagger in my heart.  To be faced with such loss is staggering to mind, body and soul.  If you’ve experienced loss like this, and I know many of you have, then you know what I mean.

But I’m doing ok.  I really am.  You may see me tearing up suddenly or needing to get up and leave, but don’t worry.  I know it’s just part of the grief.  It’s a moment by moment decision to not wallow in sadness and to look up because God has all the answers, not me.

One thing that has really helped me recently has been through the grief course I attended (www.griefshare.org).  Specifically, there was a section of the book we were working through about heaven.  It really changed my focus from what I am experiencing to what Melissa is experiencing and that is an important distinction. Let me be clear on this:  not everyone goes to heaven.  I realize this is sort of a shocking statement, but if you read my previous blog titled “Me, You and a Bull Named Fu Manchu” (click here) I discuss with a little more detail what Jesus said about this.  Don’t be mad at me...He said it, I’m just the messenger!

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through Me.” John 14:6. This is something all of us have to face. All are invited, but not all choose to believe in and follow Jesus.  For those who do, salvation from sin and death is the result.  The reward is eternal life and heaven, and heaven is God.  Being in God’s presence is heaven.

Sometimes people say things to me such as, “I know Melissa is smiling down on you” or “I know Melissa would be so proud of you” or “I know she’s watching you.” I think people may get this idea from this passage speaking about a big list of faithful God followers in the Bible (sometimes called the Hall of Faith) from Hebrews chapter 11:  

'Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.' Hebrews 12:1-2 https://my.bible.com/bible/114/HEB.12.1-2

I think the point of Hebrews 12:1-2 is to encourage Christ followers by the faith of predecessors and not that all these people are sitting in a stadium in heaven watching things unfold on earth on a giant heavenly ‘jumbotron.’  And, while I appreciate the efforts and thoughtfulness of people to bring comfort and support by these statements of Melissa watching over us, I also don’t think they are accurate.  Here’s why:

In his letter to the church in Corinth, the apostle Paul wrote:

We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. II Corinthians 5:8 NKJV https://my.bible.com/bible/114/2CO.5.8.nkjv

In other words, for those who follow Christ (he was addressing those in Corinth who followed Jesus), when you die you are with God.  But what are you doing when you are with Him? There are glimpses of this throughout the Bible and books have been written on this subject, but this statement in the book of Revelation regarding heaven is quite clear:

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4 NKJV https://my.bible.com/bible/114/REV.21.4.nkjv

This information brings me great comfort and hope.

The conclusion that I have drawn from these passages, and others, is that if we follow Christ and we die, we are present with God where He removes sorrow, death, pain and tears.  If that is true, and I believe it is, then the logical conclusion is that there is NO WAY Melissa is watching us.

Why?  Because I know her and I know how much she loved us and many of you reading this and that it would be deeply painful, sorrowful and tearful for her to watch us mourn and struggle and fail.

So, why does that thought bring me hope?

Simply this: Melissa loved Jesus and followed Him intensely.  Many people don’t know that the last couple years of her life she experienced a great deal of pain.  We were trying to find answers, but were unable to find them.  In the meantime, I saw her faith intensify as she called out to God and leaned harder and harder on Him. So, when He chose to take her to be with Him, He freed her from death, pain, sorrow and tears. She ran into His arms and He made everything new and well.  SHE MADE IT! She is getting her reward from being a good and faithful follower of Christ.

Do I miss her? Absolutely.  I miss her intensely each day. 

Do I wish she were here with me now? Absolutely not! If what she believed and what I believe is true, there is no way I would want to bring her back to this life of sin and sorrow, pain and suffering, tumult and tears.  I only wish she could hear me shout, “YES!  YOU MADE IT!  PRAISE GOD!”  This change in thought has made me realize that I’m easily focused on what I have lost and not what she has gained.  What SHE HAS GAINED! If I could give her a big hug and a cosmic high-five, I would!

But, for those of us left behind, we are left with sorrow, pain, loss, tears and death.

And hope.

That hope is based on the love of God who offers us the chance to be with Him through His sacrifice and solution to what separates us from Him—our selfishness, self-seeking, self-glorification and sin. We can’t escape it ourselves, no matter how hard we run. The good news is that He paid the price through His son, Jesus.  Christmas is about Jesus’ birth, as I heard someone say the other day, His invasion of love into this world.  He came for just one reason, so that you and I and Melissa and anyone who chooses Him can one day stand in God’s presence and bring glory to His name.

This difficult Christmas will probably be easier for me to remember than last Christmas and more intense because of the grief and sorrow and pain.

What about you? Do you know this Jesus who invaded our world to end pain and sorrow and death and tears? If you don’t, this could be your most memorable Christmas ever, if you decide to follow Him.

Blessings and Merry Christmas!