Trying to "Salve" Your Problems

It could be said that writing a blog post about personal tragedy while trying to describe the experiences of extreme grief is a "self-healing" technique used to move forward with life. Sort of an existential way of applying an emotional and mental "salve" to an invisible wound.

I suppose that if someone said that, they might be right.

For some reason, the process of thinking about and writing about what I'm going through seems to be cathartic in its own way. I hope, dear readers, that what I have written on Facebook and in this little blog are more than a self-healing technique. My desire is that I would always share some truth that I have learned...a little something that you might take away with you and apply to whatever challenges, difficulties, problems or tragedies that you are going through in your own life.

In the last 9 months, I have gone through some incredible ups and downs. There have been tidal waves of grief interspersed with moments of relief as the swell of the power of the tide withdraws and allows me to momentarily stand alone with my feet in the sand and then move slowly forward. That sand is wet and heavy and doesn't allow me to move very fast, but I am moving.

I recently started reading a book by C. S. Lewis titled, "A Grief Observed". It was taken from his personal journal that he wrote after his wife died. The first two paragraphs of the book really caught my attention:

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting."

The thing that really struck me about this description is that I have felt the exact same things. I just didn't necessarily even realize it. I thought I was just exhausted, or anxious or fearful about something that was going on. I didn't ever equate the sensation of fear as being a part of grief. And I definitely can identify with feeling "mildly drunk or concussed." I have found myself three sentences behind in conversations and struggling to understand what is going on. And forgetfulness...not being able to remember names or words or what time meetings are or deadlines or appointments. I just figured it was because I was so tired. Again, I didn't recognize that these are all a part of going through extreme grief or tragedy. They are normal.

Phew.

So, how are you dealing with your challenges, difficulties, problems or tragedies? Maybe life is good right now and sailing is smooth. That's great! Ride that wave as long as you can. But sooner or later those things will come that you can't just shrug off. They will leave you bruised, broken and bleeding.

When that thing comes, we all look for answers. Often the answers don't come. So, we look for solutions to the pain. What can we do to stop the pain? It's a natural reaction. Nothing in nature that can feel pain likes it.

It's tempting to turn to things that offer promises to help ease the pain, but mostly they are empty promises. Most of them are not bad, in and of themselves, and can even help in some way, but none of them are the answer.

Maybe binge watching some new TV show on Netflix is the answer...it distracts, but it does not heal.

Exercise? Yes. That's good for you and helps you feel better, but it doesn't do much at 3 am when the panic or anxiety wakes you up for no apparent reason just to make you worry about something there's nothing you can do anything about at 3 am.

Escaping into the void of the internet...facebook, instagram or youtube can provide hours of mindless scrolling but eventually you have to eat. Besides, there's always something new to pin on Pinterest.

Sports? Those provide some mind numbing excitement for four quarters or three periods or whatever it is. But then the game is over and before the postgame interviews begin the ache comes back.

Meditation...sure, but what are you meditating on? Does it provide any answers or hope or truth?

If what you are meditating on is truth, then it can heal and it does heal. Some truth I have found to bring comfort and hope:

(Jesus speaking) "Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

This truth has been helpful when those crashing waves come in and I'm feeling weary and heavy.

Another helpful verse:

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

At the end of the day, when we go through hard things we have to decide how we are going to deal with them. There are so many TED Talks and philosophies and programs and ways of escape. They are not all helpful and most don't deliver what they promise.

But God always delivers on His promises. Allow Him to "salve" your problems; all we have to do is turn to Him and ask.